Thursday, June 6, 2013

Longing for a Friend

Disclaimer: Its probably a really bad sign that each time I get the tug at my heartstrings to blog, I have to recover and set a new password. This is usually because I can't remember the password I set two months ago when I wrote my last post. Slap on the wrist Jessica. I must do better posting.

Now on to the topic at hand, my longing for a friend.

Ok, that seriously made me sound pitiful, and like I wanted some sympathy. Which I dont! I just have something on my heart, and I feel like I tell Nick about it all the time, so I'm journaling this time (while he cooks supper- HOTY- Husband of the Year). I feel like I have a problem. I don't seem to make adult friends easily. Im not sure if its me, or my age, or what, but I actually get pretty sad about it sometimes. You see, I just have a longing for a good friend, someone to bounce crazy ideas off of, someone to grab dinner with on a random week night, someone who will encourage me, even when I dont think I need it.

Lets rewind. I just dumped a lot on you, and for that I am truly sorry. I think I owe you all a little back story. You see, I got married 3 days before I turned 22. Young, I know. Up until then, I had a pretty solid group of girlfriends and guyfriends. Most of us went to church together, and I had some very longtime friends that I could always count on. I was a regular eating mexican with a girlfriend, or hanging out with a group, or some other couples. Then Nick and I got married. And 6 months later we moved to a very rural, small town, over an hour from where we grew up. Here is where some of the problem started. I think in general friendships fizzle out after a big event, like a marriage. People grow apart, I totally understand, and I do think that would have been the case. I had a different challenge. My friends didn't get a little time to grow away from me. I moved, and friendships that I thought were strong were all of a sudden nonexistent.

In our now almost two years living in Chesterfield, I have had one friend from home come to visit us and see our new home (That would be Gab herself!). I think that statistic is so sad, and it brings tears to my eyes. I wanted so bad for our move not to affect my friendships. I just knew I would still talk to the same people, we just wouldn't be able to see each other often. I was totally wrong. Almost everyone I thought was a great friend, has turned out to not even contact me anymore. No one has checked to see how we are doing, or how I like my job. Yeah, we are facebook friends, but what does that really mean anymore? Im not sure if it is the physical distance, or the fact that our lives have changed so drastically (marriage/new jobs). I cant put my finger on it. I can only put my finger on the fact that it hurts.

So, I lost 90% of my friends in the move. Well, make new ones, right? Wrong. That has really been a struggle for me. I have always been a quiet person. I am not really one to go out and make friends easily. I had in my head that people would invite us to this and that, because we were new in town. But I was wrong there too. We moved in the summer, before Nick met most of the staff at his school, and we didn't jump right into an awesome church family, and well, there aren't that many places to go out and socialize here. So, it has been a struggle from day one.

Side note: We did move here a year after Nicks best friend did, he kind of got Nick the job. He lived with his then girlfriend, now wife, and they are so awesome! We have always gotten along well, and they are fun to hang out with. But I dont think they want to see the Jolly's 24028 times a month, right?!

So anyways, I struggled at first. Then I got comfortable at work more, and made a work BFF. I say that because we really don't hang out or talk much outside of work, or work related conversation. Still, I can totally sneak out for lunch with her if we schedule it, and it is so good to have someone to vent some work related frustrations with. Shes a lifesaver in the banking world! Outside of that, Nick and I have a handfull of couple friends. We regurly enjoy the company of about 2 other couples. Which is great! We laugh, have fun, and we are even taking a little couples vacation this summer! Without our couple friends I really would be at the bottom of the friendship barrell. We also have been visiting churches. Im not sure if we have found the one for us, because everything seems so small. We are used to our very big church, with lots of friends in Sunday School classes, and lots of outings scheduled. Everything is a fraction of the size it was.

So, what is your advice? How does an adult, new to a very rural place make good, lasting, encouraging friends? Sometimes all I need is a little text during the day saying someone is praying for me. Maybe take a little girls day shopping, or even to dinner and a movie. I haven't had that in 2+ years and im aching. I can't see myself being super assertive and trying to get too overbearing in the friendship department. So my method has been to play off of the reactions I get. I just don't know how to read people.

Last side note: Nick is my absolute best friend. If I had to chose all over again, I would chose exactly where I am. I wouldn't give him up for 1000 other friends. He is truly the best, and if this is what being an adult feels like, well I'll take it. Also, my mommy and sissy are the best ever. I call them, about anything, and they always talk to me as long as it takes to cheer me up. I really have the best family ever.

Am I totally abnormal? How do I make friends without being overbearing and pushy? How do I know if someone is open to having a new friend (I don't want to take anyones place)? Am I just overreacting, and all young married females live without friends?

Thanks for reading, and if you actually got to the end of this post, it means 1) I didn't chicken out and take if off the internet, 2) I hope I haven't scared you away from reading in the future.


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